It is I, Marius! Ah, how well we know those iconic words. In fact, my very first video game ever was Ultra Marius Bro and Sis for the original handheld systems, and even though it was all sidescrolling nonsense without all that much of a plot, I really felt like I bonded with the characters. There’s something so real about going out on an intrepid adventure, jumping over barrels, freezing your opponents with snowballs and the sting of being hit by a barrel when you have no more lives left. It left within me an intense desire to emulate the success, not only for the quadrillions of dollars, but also for the knowledge that I’ve brought joy to young people everywhere.
Of course, video game design courses around Melbourne aren’t what they used to be. The technology has taken off into the stratosphere, so much so that it just doesn’t look the same. Marius has to be bigger and better with every single one of his appearances…he has to play more sports, be rendered with more pixels, even crazy stuff like hurling fireballs instead of snowballs! Madness! I think I have a number of great ideas for a Marius game. For one thing, if I was a video game designer, I’d trim the fat. His brother Puigi needs to be trimmed entirely, in fact. He adds nothing to the game, is basically a red palette swap of Marius’ true green and he draws attention away from the star. The narrative is much tighter without him around, in my opinion. I’ve written letters to Spintendo before, but none of them have really gone anywhere. The time has come to really get myself some qualifications so they’ll HAVE to listen. If I can just achieve my goal of becoming Melbourne’s premier game design course student, the one all the others look to so they can make or break their careers…I have a shot. I WILL revolutionise Marius. I’ve known this since the first day I picked up that console.