They’ll never take me alive! I’ll make sure of that, by turning myself into a lich that cannot be killed. Technically, I’ll be dead, so even if they manage to capture me, they will never take me alive! It’s genius. That’s why I have gathered all these people here today. They are outside my office, banging on the door and demanding answers. The police are ready to take me into custody, as soon as they manage to get the blast doors open. But they won’t get them open, because by then, it will be too late! This will show them for being so ungrateful. I have recommended that countless businesses get commercial LED lighting and clean energy, and do I get any thanks? No, I do not!
To ensure my revenge, I gave clear hints toward the darker side of my knowledge to a reporter, rambling on about how my knowledge is perfectly legitimate and definitely not using fireballs to create energy, which we have then been selling as solar power. I was then investigated, which has brought hundreds of officers here today. Officers I will use to appease the dark deity that grants the powers of lichdom! They think I am bluffing about blowing this entire office up! Ha, far from it!
I did so much good for the world. How many businesses gained access to the government solar rebate because of my services? Countless. But because it wasn’t technically solar energy, they want to take me to jail. Well, sorry to disappoint you, boys, but this wizard isn’t going to jail. He’s going to the afterlife for about fifteen seconds, before respawning in his phylactery. As soon as I am finished typing up this blog post/journal entry thing, I will be pressing the big red button that causes this building to explode. Next thing I know, I will be on a tropical beach somewhere. Of course, I won’t tell you where. That would ruin the fun of it.
See you next time, suckers!
– Boss Wizard