Argh, foiled in my humanitarian plot! I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling amateur detective and his inexplicable canine companion!
I did what I did for the best reasons. I have nothing against tennis, elderly people, sports netting or Keymore’s sporting scene in general. I stole those nets in protest of the Keymore Senior Tennis Association and its diabolical practices, how they hold stringent auditions and tryouts to join teams instead of just letting people play for fun. Why does everything have to be so serious? You don’t have to win to have a good time! I saw my chance at revenge when I found out about the brand new sports netting that was being installed on the show courts.
To give you a little background, I tried out for the tennis team eighteen times, and they never let me in. That’s eighteen years of showing up for games, supporting the people who repeatedly rejected me, and never publicly decrying them. My patience ground down. I became jealous of their skills, I will admit. And finally, all those years of defeat took their toll. I grew angry, resentful…and I resolved that if I couldn’t play, neither would anyone else! So I starting sneaking in at night and…commandeering the tennis netting. If they couldn’t practice with nets, they’d get worse. If they got worse, they’d start learning and growing used to losing. And if they started losing, they’d bring in some fresh blood with the standards lowered. It was the perfect plan! Unfortunately, the Association is well-funded and they quickly bought replacement tennis nets from a company in Melbourne. I stepped up my game, but that detective was on the case, and I was caught with my arms full of netting one fateful Friday night. The jig was up. The tennis nets were returned, and I was exposed in shame.
It was the perfect plan as well! If only Keymore’s greatest amateur detective hadn’t been on the case, I would’ve made it onto that tennis team for sure! Of course, the arthritis mans I can’t really hold a tennis racket all that well without it spinning out of my hands, but it’s all about the fun!