The Greatest Spray

Here I am putting actual magic in a bottle, and no one wants to buy it. Okay, not magic-magic…that’s not a real thing, but I am pretty certain of the efficiency of my brew, and it’s going to be the most powerful hairspray the world has ever known. Better than Ice-Freeze-Hold, better than Hollywood Hair, and definitely better than Ultra-Lock. Yeah, ‘ultra’, except when the humidity increases and suddenly your hair turns to wet noodles.

I’ve been into all the very best hair salons in Melbourne, I’ve talked to professional hairdressers, and I have a wall chart that spans the entire length of my basement wall that shows the attributes of every single type of hairspray. Some of them do well resisting the weather but become utterly useless when it gets humid. Others might be able to resist ALL types of weather, but you mix them with another hair product- as many do- and you end up with floppy hair within the hour. And some…some just suck, outright.

My product will adorn the shelves of every hair salon, from here in South Melbourne to the rest of Australian, maybe even beyond, but people need to give me a chance. Was Spray Sorcery too much of a gimmicky title? Are people put off by the occult reference? Everything is in the prototype stage, so it’s subject to change, even though I do like the title. I can confirm that I’ve undertaken field trials, and Spray Sorcery makes your hair resistant to wind, humidity, light-to-medium rain, and it has a special memory function that means that even if your hair is briefly flattened, it’ll just spring right back up. The only place it won’t help you is if you’re submerged in water, but…come on. It’s not real magic.

Just you wait. I’ll win over every hair stylist, South Melbourne stylists will be working with this stuff in 2019. Oh, and it washes out easily! I spared no expense.

Wait, actually…