Conveyancing Solicitor Standards

I settled down onto my beach chair – one of the comfortable cushioned ones, not those plastic, fold-out death traps they leave out near the tourist traps – and gently let my body relax into it, careful that my margarita arm stayed perfectly level.

         Finally, I thought, feeling my stress melting away. Somewhere I don’t have to think about—

         ‘Hey, how’s your house going along? Have you sold it yet?’

         My eyes snapped open, and I shifted to glare up at Mark, my vacation buddy. I hadn’t intentionally met up with him on my holiday, of course – it had just been a very lucky coincidence.

         ‘Not yet,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘Just hit a snag or two.’

         ‘Is it the market?’ he asked, dropping into the seat next to me, margarita spilling all the way down his arm.

         ‘Of course it’s not the market,’ I said, coldly. ‘The market is fantastic. It’s because I couldn’t find a good conveyancing solicitor to help me sell a house if my life depended on it.’

         ‘Seriously?’ Mark frowned. ‘You’re stuck at the conveyancer stage? Isn’t that meant to be the first thing you sort out?’

         ‘Indeed,’ I said, stiffly. ‘But I have rather… exacting standards.’

         ‘Of course, of course…’ he trailed off, staring out at the ocean. I took a deep, calming breath and closed my eyes, thinking the conversation was over and I could go back to forgetting—

         ‘It’s just,’ Mark spun around to face me again, ‘you haven’t had any good recommendations?’

         I groaned and decided it was best to just lean into the skid.

         ‘Of course I have,’ I snapped. ‘I’ve had nothing but good recommendations for a conveyancing firm near Sandringham, but they all fail to meet my very exacting standards.’

         ‘What the hell is so exacting about your standards?’ he asked me, threatening to laugh.

         ‘Shall I send you the PDF?’ I asked him, coolly. ‘It has my expectations laid out in a very logical, considered manner.’

         ‘Send me a PDF…’ Mark frowned, shaking his head like I was insane. ‘Dude, I’m on holiday, what’s wrong with you?’