Home

Life On a Houseboat

Melbourne plumbingSometimes I wish I lived on a houseboat. Most of the time, that’s because some idiot is blaring his music downstairs at 2am and I want to put my foot through his roof in an effort to let him know how inconsiderate that is. It’s really inconsiderate, in case you were wondering. With a houseboat, noisy neighbours can be shut up simply by powering away and finding an empty space further down the dock. Or you could take the old girl out to sea and just drift peacefully, with no noise to worry about except the morning gulls.

It can’t be ALL good, though, otherwise the entire world would live on houseboats. Wait, that could be the solution to the overpopulation problem…ah, I’m sure I’ll remember that for later. But imagine the plumbing! You’re out on the rolling waves and suddenly your toilet overflows. What, do you summon an emergency plumber from Melbourne over on the mainland? They can’t get to you, unless there’s a fleet of plumbing boats for just such an occasion, or plumbing helicopters. You can try to get your boat to shore, but the whole thing is filled with water so all you can do at that point is float away on your life ring and watch your possessions be swallowed by the sea. That’s just not how I want any given night to end, and I’m not even considering the sharks.

It gets worse than plumbing. What if your place of residence gets stuck in a whirlpool, overturned by a storm or struck by lightning? Again, the fire brigade can’t get to you so your home will just burn like a Viking funeral pyre. And you don’t have to maintain the hull of a house. That must cost a fortune, and it’s constantly in use!

Alright, maybe noisy neighbours aren’t so bad, at least for where I am in Melbourne. Plumbing is something I really appreciate having help with in the middle of the night.

-Gareth